As the Greeks defined it “Happiness is the joy that we feel when we’re striving after our potential.” Some say picking up hobbies makes them happy where as others believe immersing themselves in simple pleasures is the key to happiness. However, within the people around me and unfortunately myself I have noticed that many of us have tendencies to feed off this emotional high we call happiness through other people. For example, some of my friends are only at their peak of happiness when they are in a relationship and others feed off the attention they get from love interests or boys in general. I feel this emotional high I think is ‘happiness’ when I get my desired validation off people; this could be through boys giving me attention, through people telling me I’m pretty or can even be manifested through other people’s good opinions on me. I don’t want to feel like I need to seek other people’s validation in order to feel ‘happy’. In theory I would love to feel happiness because I am confident in my body and know who I am; I want to experience life with my friends and appreciate the little aspects of my life like family.
If an outsider were too examine my life in general I doubt they would find any reason for me not to have this pleasure and taste for life; I have a lot of things others find hard to get however, I still have a dark void in myself which makes me dissatisfied. Even when I am in a relationship and am getting the ‘approval’ I feel like I need I will always look at the other side and say that the grass is greener there.
A few days ago someone I cared about (my ex) threw all my emotional baggage in my face. Although some of it was a combination of him being stupid and him deflecting I did find some truth to his words. This realisation stung like hell. He mentioned a lot of things I did to get this ’emotional high’ and if I keep on doing these things I will end up unhappy. I am 20 and so young! I need to live my life to the fullest with good/bad moments I won’t forget. I don’t want to repeat the same pattern of self-hatred and cheap highs, I want to dig deep into my core and find the true me which I know I will love.
I have figured out a few steps to do this (this may not be correct but I will try these and update you guys). In order to be more body positive and feel better in my skin I will continue to go to the gym and eat healthy (I have to wait a week to go to the gym following a serious asthma attack). I believe that by doing this I will feel mentally better as I feel anxious and moody when I don’t do sport (this obviously may not apply to everyone). Also, I will do more work and get more tasks completed so I have more times for my hobbies. My friends and I have come up with a few projects which I wanted to start a few years ago but was too scared to do so. Hopefully in starting this new adventure I will feel so much happier within myself. Further, I feel like I need to cut a few people out of my life. These people make me feel miserable and honestly they’re a pain to talk to. I can tell they don’t think the best of me therefore they should not be in my life. I feel like this will be hard but it is necessary to be free and love my surroundings. FAKE FRIENDS ARE NOT THE ONE!
Anyway, finding happiness in others or getting that cheap high isn’t worth it. Real happiness and love is the goal and whichever way you do this I hope you achieve it. 🙂
Till next time xx
PS although my last relationship ended a while back we have just broke the friendship due to the other shit he said to me. I am still grieving as I did care about him a lot however I believe this new change of fate is for the best. Love is a hard thing to lose but remember if someone loves you they won’t say or hurt you in the way he hurt me. Sometimes we do or say crazy shit but putting people down is emotionally destructive.