Hey beautiful people,

If you haven’t already realised I have anxiety. However, I am learning to tone it down. My anxiety came apparent when I started a new school. I think rationally when thinking of doing something, but when I actually get to doing it my emotions (which are filled with anxiety) take over which prohibits me to do the task I actually wanted to do. I’m scared to do a lot of things i.e talking to my crush, or people who I feel are better than me. I know this isn’t actually me. I was always someone who did things even if they scared me but now it seems like I’m not that person any more and it hurts.

What I have learnt from having anxiety (social and the fear of rejection) is that it resembles an unnecessary shield. It protects me from doing new tasks in case I get hurt. It’s good to have to prohibit me from doing stupid things but it shouldn’t have a large influence over my life. I know I don’t have it that bad compared to some people but I still don’t want to live in fear. I just want to be that fearless, curious person I was before.

So what can we do? Well, imagine having 5 friends. 4 friends want you to perform this task and excel, however, there is one friend thinks you can’t do it and says that you are not emotionally strong enough to deal with the consequences (if they actually happen; 99% of the time they don’t). We immediately ignore that person and perform the task. So we shall do the same inside of us. We need to ignore that voice in our head and think rationally. This is easier said than done but the more we do this the easier it will get. Try starting off with small tasks than you can conquer your ultimate fear. Yesterday, I went to talk to someone even though I was scared as fuck! This, I guess, is a start.

Quote of the day: Sometimes you need to do what you’re afraid of doing – anon

Bonne chance. I hope this some of you. Even if it didn’t it helped me get things out. xxx

Hey beautiful people,

I’m feeling very low today and I’m not sure why. I had an amazing day/night out with my friends yesterday so I should be feeling amazing but I’m not. Yesterday, while being with my friends, my true self came out and I felt amazing but now it’s the day after and I feel like shit. I’m not sure whether it’s because I’m scared of this new transition or I’m just comparing myself to them. Throughout this past year I’ve become more confident but today it feels like all my fears I thought I had overcome just came back. I’m stuck in this vicious cycle (of having a really good time then feeling like shit or wanting to do something and being too scared) and I’m not sure how to get out. I’m so tired of being the girl who is scared to get out of her comfort zone and will just live in a fantasy. I want to try new things i.e boyfriends,parties,friends. I keep on saying this but I find it extremely difficult to do.

So how do I avoid this cycle? I don’t know the answer. However, I do know that I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t fantasise of my crush when it’s getting nowhere, I can’t think of myself as ugly when I’m clearly not and I can’t think that my friends are better than me (in beauty or school or life in general). In order to stop this cycle of self-hatred, of not getting anywhere and of fear, I must to face my fears by getting out of my comfort zone.

I’m very scared of not getting approval of others when I actually don’t need it because I have it; this may come as the form of like on Instagram as stupid as it may sound. I would feel upset if my crush didn’t like my photo. I know it sounds stupid but I rather talk to him loads than him liking my photo. I feel like I want everything but it’s too far out of my reach.

To conclude, we are used to our daily cycles- good or bad- that we feel comfortable in. However, we seem to want new things without wanting to try because it is too hard or too scary. Things are only scary because we aren’t used to them, because we have’t attempted it before or we have attempted them but they haven’t gone to plan. We can break these boring, dull, viscous cycles! We can live life to the fullest without letting our fears get in the way. I know what I need to do, it’s just a matter of getting out of my comfort zone and doing it. Don’t look at what you should have done in the past (times where you had chances to talk to that girl/boy, have more fun or do something different) just seize every opportunity you get and do what you want(not anything illegal of course)  whether you’re scared or not. I promise you guys I will do this.

Quote of the day:  Great things never came from comfort zones.

Sorry, if this felt like I was waffling too much I just felt so alone.

Bye xxx

P.S I shall try to do one new thing that scares me everyday to get out of my comfort zone/ cycle.